children of men

at the beginning of the semester, i decided that i would take the time out of each month and go see a movie by myself.

to escape.

today i was feeling mildly unhappy, more like unfulfilled, so i decided today would be the perfect day to see that movie, so i saw children of men, starring clive owen

not only did this movie put me in a worse mood, but it got me thinking. it didn't put me in a bad mood because it was bad, but because it was so thoughtfully constructed. the film takes place in 2027 after a flu pandemic in 2008 whiped out most of the world, and now earth is plagued with male infertility. the first scene shows the youngest living person on earth, age 18, was murdered in london, and the film takes a very leftist social commentary-esque turn from there. within minutes we see how advertising and technology keeps thriving, but pollution and violence take over and London's government starts deporting all "fugees" from their borders (needless to say this is met with even more violence). but then, we meet a woman who is pregnant with a child, something not seen for nearly 20 years, and where in most films i can see this storyline turning into a 'glimmer-of-hope-for-humanity' type plot, this film kept on course with their politically charged agenda. minus a few muslim=terrorist references and a somewhat disappointing but necessary ending, this film is a must-see, but only if you're willing to think about it.

seriously don't mind me

i've never been one to openly tell someone else what's going on in my head; whether what i'm thinking about is about myself, about others, or even about academia. i've always been someone who can write these thoughts down, but rarely do i share anything with others (self-preservation). growing up in a "don't ask, don't tell" sort of family does that to you, i guess. yes i keep a journal (95 single spaced Word pages as of today), but even something like an essay i feel needs to go from my hands to the prof's, or otherwise, it can become dangerous if someone else reads. people naturally like pointing out flaws in others, and when they're not doing that, they're claiming they 'understand' or they 'know'. polar opposites if you ask me, but everyone has these equal parts to them. what i want to meet is someone who actually knows how to be compassionate and knows how to break down the rules i've made for myself in order to survive and to remain relatively happy with my life, and be able to help me build new ones that are healthier and stronger and make me happier.

i want to be able to look at this list and smile, instead of being resentful of a life i refuse to live to its fullest

when have i been the happiest

-wandering around the streets of montreal in the middle of the night and taking pictures
-the first time a crying mother thanked me for moving in her first-born daughter during essex's move-in day
-being the skankiest lead that cawthra's ever had on stage and swearing like a sailor in front of my family, teachers and friends
-the many drives to wasaga beach with my oldest friends
-my 20th birthday party
-reflecting on the happiness of the grade 10 hallowe'en party for a year because the year following happened in silence

don't mind my mood. i've been alone all day and have been watching depressing, but great, movies (shortbus, little miss sunshine, garden state).

regina spektor sounds like bjork in some songs but sounds completely normal in other songs. what is up with that.