seriously don't mind me

i've never been one to openly tell someone else what's going on in my head; whether what i'm thinking about is about myself, about others, or even about academia. i've always been someone who can write these thoughts down, but rarely do i share anything with others (self-preservation). growing up in a "don't ask, don't tell" sort of family does that to you, i guess. yes i keep a journal (95 single spaced Word pages as of today), but even something like an essay i feel needs to go from my hands to the prof's, or otherwise, it can become dangerous if someone else reads. people naturally like pointing out flaws in others, and when they're not doing that, they're claiming they 'understand' or they 'know'. polar opposites if you ask me, but everyone has these equal parts to them. what i want to meet is someone who actually knows how to be compassionate and knows how to break down the rules i've made for myself in order to survive and to remain relatively happy with my life, and be able to help me build new ones that are healthier and stronger and make me happier.

i want to be able to look at this list and smile, instead of being resentful of a life i refuse to live to its fullest

when have i been the happiest

-wandering around the streets of montreal in the middle of the night and taking pictures
-the first time a crying mother thanked me for moving in her first-born daughter during essex's move-in day
-being the skankiest lead that cawthra's ever had on stage and swearing like a sailor in front of my family, teachers and friends
-the many drives to wasaga beach with my oldest friends
-my 20th birthday party
-reflecting on the happiness of the grade 10 hallowe'en party for a year because the year following happened in silence

don't mind my mood. i've been alone all day and have been watching depressing, but great, movies (shortbus, little miss sunshine, garden state).

regina spektor sounds like bjork in some songs but sounds completely normal in other songs. what is up with that.